My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
In America we eat man semen.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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