my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
