i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
