So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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