I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
