i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
