Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
