Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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