I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize