at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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