Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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