i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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