Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
