32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
