My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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