im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
