When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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