I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
