that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So vagazzling was a success
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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