We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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