Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
