she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
