...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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