its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
