you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
