Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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