I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
