i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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