Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
