After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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