i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
