U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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