from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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