apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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