Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
