Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
