I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
