if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
