You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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