Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
