I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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