THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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