Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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