Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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