My room smells like vodka and shame
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
