Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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