Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
