Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
