Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I could fuck to npr.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
