I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
