hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
