i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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