I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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