yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
