So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
