she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
