Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
