dude i'm inner monologue high
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
