tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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