Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
