Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
