I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
