i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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