too bad you live with your parents still
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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