You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You can't motorboat a personality
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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