it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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