look no pants
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
