i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
