I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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