my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
