I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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