This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
