I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
